It’s been 87 days since Governor Andrew Cuomo issued social-distancing guidelines in New York. Eighty-seven days trying to read the books gathering dust on my shelves instead of staring at the wall. Eighty-seven days mindlessly scrolling through TikTok and dating apps for some form of reprieve from the lonesome dread occupying my daily life. And at least 87 days since I last went on a date. So when I saw a viral TikTok over the weekend from a girl who paid an Etsy psychic to draw her soulmate, I knew I needed to follow suit.

Over the last few weeks, ThePsychicArtist on Etsy has received a lot of attention from TikTok users around the world, myself included — enough attention for the psychic to launch their own account on the platform advertising their work. For around $30, your name, and your birthdate, the psychic will sketch a portrait of your soulmate in 24 hours. This 24-hour reveal is a common TikTok trope. The platform is littered with videos of users making tie-dye shirts or coloring their hair, only to reveal the results the following day. So it makes sense that these psychic drawings have become somewhat of a trend. 

In the videos, which are easily found under the #psychicartist hashtag on TikTok, users stand in front of their portraits reading the psychic’s descriptions and asking for their followers to help them find the mysterious person depicted in the sketches. There are a number of Etsy psychics from whom people can commission portraits. Some look like real sketches, while others look like photos grabbed from Google Image search and edited to look like drawings. Still, that didn’t stop me.

“I’m wearing my rose quartz and everything,” one user said in a video before she opened her portrait. “I need love! Oh, my god, I need it!”

Seeing that I’ve been cooped up in my apartment for the last few months, I was eager to know exactly who I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. When ordering the portrait, my thinking went as follows: “If I already know what my soulmate looks like, then, in some strange way, I’m capable of speedrunning the dating process. The coronavirus has already set me back a few months, so why not give it a shot.”

So, I navigated to ThePsychicArtist’s Etsy page Friday afternoon and placed an order for a portrait, making sure to fill in all of the correct identifying information about myself. The next morning, I woke up to a long Etsy message describing this unknown man that included a file with his portrait.

The psychic told me basically everything I wanted to hear! He’s “stylish” and I will “discover the luxurious life” with him. “He is exuberant and will definitely be the change you were looking for,” among other things. But unfortunately, I won’t meet him for another 18 months because our “vibration levels aren’t aligned and calibrated towards each other.”

Please know that by releasing this information, I’m putting myself at risk. “The information you received is confidential and you should not release to any other soul because the consequences could lead to an energy blockage of your aura and it will interfere with the connection between you and him,” the psychic told me. Still, I feel confident in my decision to release this portrait since the TikTok users participating in this trend seem to be doing alright.

Anyways, if you know this person, maybe reach out.